Life in football??

On Reflection

Wouldn’t it be fantastic if life really were a series of football fixtures? Or any manner of sports. It would make life a lot more easier to gauge, and ultimately live. Look at it this way.

At the start of every season every team is on level terms. Zero points.

At the start of every match both teams are on level terms. Nil – Nil.

For every match you win you get 3 points, if you draw you share 2 points with the opposition, if you lose you get nothing and your victor takes your points, plunders your village and rapes your sisters.

And then at the end of the season you find out who was better than who for a moment in time and then you declare the general champion in a league.

And then you start over.

Wouldn’t that be lovely?

Shit, that would be fucking splendid, boys.

I’d be able to erase all the crappy seasons of my past and I’ll beg, steal, and borrow to get me a team of mercs that’ll knock Chelski into the last fucking dimension.


Reality does Bite


But it isn’t and probably never will be like that. That’s what sucks in life. But if you think about it in a diff’rent perspective you’ll get something else:

Football teams have a set of measurable objectives for all times in the season. And those objectives differ based on the status of the club (money, support, talent, history, etc.). Every Gooner is going to expect the club to win the League cup, the FA cup, the Premiership, the Champions league, and the biggie big we’re the best in the world don’t fuck with us Cup. But so is everyone at Old Trafford, on The Kop, or in the monstrosity we call Stamford Fridge. And Reading also knows that however hard they try the chances of them getting anything this year is near enough the same as a kid in Wacko Jacko’s bedroom that won’t have to go to a shrink 10 - 15 years later in life. It could happen but not likely.

So everybody (club) knows where it stands, and what is expected of them.

Near enough to real life right? Right. You have to have a lot to be successful. The analogy is that the most successful people/clubs are the ones with the money, the time, the talent and the effort to achieve. So, people with money and time have a considerable advantage. Look at Chelsea, they got the money, they got the time, they got two back to back premiership titles. With that money came talent, and that talent got out and put out a great effort to claim the title. (even tho I still hate them wakers, they bought the fookin’ thing, I fookin’ resent that!!)

So, who are the most successful clubs? The ones with the packed trophy rooms, of course! But don’t get me wrong, look at Wigan. Wigan is also a successful club. Saying Wigan isn’t a successful club is like saying the 173rd most richest guy in the world isn’t successful. Even number 500 on the Forbes 500 is still getting good reviews, good money, and a hot meal at the end of the day.

Success isn’t always defined by trophies and all that. Wigan doesn’t have the money, talent or history to compete with the big four but they still play with the big dogs. And not only that but they stand their ground look at those big dogs and say ‘get the fuck outta my yard!’ They got effort, they got work rate, and more than that they’ve got a winners attitude. And that’s something innit?

To Be or Not... the 60p Question?

So in order to find the answer of 'who is the most succesful club?' we need to break down the equation into smaller manageable bites. To look back at Wigan they're not as successful as ch**ki but they lead a fuller more content life. Why? Because they're alright with not winning any major trophies, they just wanna live in the Premiership. If they were a family they'd be a regular Brady Bunch. Successful enough that they don't have to worry too much about their kids education, but not that successful so as their offspring become insufferable coddled idiots unable to think rationally and/or empathize with their fellow man.

The Brady's may have less money than the Hilton's but look at what happened to their respective children.

Thus the first question to be asked shouldn't be ‘how big is your dick?’ but ‘what can you do with your dick?’ Contrary to popular belief (especially to those that….you know what I mean) size does matter. But how much it matters is an altogether different proposition. How can you negate having a small dick? (or money, or talent, or anything else in your life)

Economic gurus will say: EFFICIENCY.

Liam once sang ‘you get what you’ve been given’, and no, you can’t change that. He also sang ‘we only get what we will settle for’. And not settling will bring you efficiency. That tireless work ethic will get you places you’d never get on talent alone. You think Thierry Henry got to where he was riding only on talent? Fuck, no!

This brigs us to people with not so enormous dicks who won’t settle until they’ve satisfied their ladies (or whatever that fills their fancy). Who hits the hardest, pound for pound? If the New York Yankees win 100 games with a $150 million payroll and the Oakland A’s win 98 with a payroll of less than a third of what the Yankees dole out, then who’s the more successful one? No questions asked it’s the Yankees, but pound for pound? I’m not sure about that.

Thus I cannot say that Ch**ki isn't a successful club. But is that the success that I want?

I love Arsenal emotionally because of reasons unknown, but I love Arsenal intellectually because Arsenal promotes healthy competition. They can't afford all the best English talent so they shop elsewhere, this in turn tells English players to not be too greedy.(Who, in all reality can afford the transfer fee and wages demanded by English footballers?(hear that Ferdinand?)) This also promotes English football in a twisted way. English players will be forced to fight for their places, and they will also learn techniques and other stuff from foreigners and that will make them into better footballers, making the England team stronger.

This Arsenal philosophy isn't only beneficial to the Club, but also to English football and to football in general. So even though Arsenal have only had moderate success, we've done it while giving back to the hand that feeds us. Ch**ki on the other hand have been stifling the footballing atmosphere by making trade unfair while playing a sort of football that's so boring sometimes it's a wonder that they can even win things. They're acting like a rich, spoilt, uninteresting, actress/singer wannabe whore, with so little self esteem they peddle their bodies out on their music video. Even Manyoo is playing fair (even though they can spend 27 million pounds on a player they can't do it 3 times a year, year in year out) and credit to them for that.

Football as an analogy to life? Pretty stoopid eh?

But ask me what I want from life and I’ll answer ‘I want to be successful.’

No doubts and no hypocrisy.

But I want to be a cure cancer type of success, not a promote master race sort.